This is what happens when you don't, "change your mind."

I found this post on a website that is like the most addicting train wreck you have ever seen...True Mom Confessions. About half the "confessions" are positive, "I have the best baby who sleeps through the night at 2 months and is already potty-trained...I'm sooo luckeeeee", and about half are of the "I want to die, motherhood is killing me" variety. A big thanks to the blog Child Free Clique for turning me on to this train wreck.

All too often people think it's necessary to force their advice and opinions on me in regards to my choice to be childfree at 37 (with a 10-year birth control device in place..thank you very much), and they tend to say things like "Oh you'll change your mind", or "It's different when it's your own kid" and a whole load of other nonsense. It's called Child Free Bingo for a reason...the same old tired phrases get thrown at me again and again. But I digress...

I came across this confession (one of hundreds) that proves that it is not DIFFERENT when it's your own...well, actually it is different. When it's your own kid you can't hand it off to its parents when it starts in with the crying and the runny nose and the poopy diaper and whatnot. So, without further ado, here's the confession:

"I am a better mom when I drink. Really. I don't get drunk. I just get buzzed enough to be relaxed. I am more tolerant of their loudness and annoying behaviour after I have had a few drinks. I will sit and listen to them ramble on about some stupid crap they are interested in when I have a drink in my hand. I am more lenient and laugh easier with them. When I am sober, I am selfish and mean. I just want them to be quiet and leave me alone. I don't want to listen to them or even be in the same room with them. I haven't always felt this way. They are teens now and they just bug the crap out of me. I HAVE to have alcohol so I won't go INSANE. I feel so awful because of this."

Do you really think this woman should have had children? Do you really think that she "changed her mind" or feels that it's "different because it's her own?" Obviously not...but someone somewhere probably forced their ideas onto her and she caved...whether it was her husband, her family, her girlfriends or just society in general...she chose a path that deliberately put her into her own personal hell. People...do yourselves a favor. Think about it long and hard BEFORE you have kids. If it's something you want then do it and PLEASE BE GREAT AT IT. If it's not your cup of tea do not cave to societal pressure. Doing something that is 100% permanent and involves innocent others because you "might change your mind" takes a very special kind of stupid.

As I've always said..."there's not enough wine in the world."

San Francisco Yoga Conference

I just realized I never really talk about yoga in my blog. Why is that? Probably because I have been a baaaad yogi since school started and have not been yoga-ing as much as I would like. Anyway, in an attempt to get my Yoga MoJo back (a process initiated by no longer teaching my Saturday yoga class), I attended the San Francisco Yoga Journal Conference. If you haven't been to one of these conferences and are interested in going, you should know that it is crowded. As in lots and lots of people all over the place. And, I was really lame and only went to 3 out of the 6 classes...but the three I went to were great and taking a class with Ana Forrest was divine. I really felt my yoga MoJo in her class, and had a "yoga moment" in David Life's class, when I did my best Tittibhasana ever! Here's a pic...but that's not me...that's just some random pic I found online to show how cool this asana is.
So...my overall impression of the conference:

Thumbs up: Ana Forrest, good freebies, great Yoga Marketplace
Thumbs down: Too crowded, expensive, floors carpeted

Try Ojai instead! It's a fabulous retreat :-)

Sad news about Shakey Jake

It's been a few weeks, so I can write this without tearing up. Poor little Jakey is no longer with us. His fungal infection was just too big for his little immune system, and after a scary episode of labored breathing I took him to the emergency vet where I was told he was "oxygen dependent." He was such a great little cat, and I can't help but wonder why I keep getting all the sick animals. I have made Tibi and Oliver promise that they'll just keel over...no long, drawn-out illnesses...please!

When I went to pick up his ashes, they had made a little ceramic paw print, which made me cry like a baby. It is just the sweetest little thing, and I have added it to my growing shrine to all my dead loved ones...so far I have a picture of my mom, a painting and photograph of Truman, Jake's ashes and paw print, and a wooden cat that sort of resembles Judi. It's kind of sweet in a sad sort of way...my little shrine of love or sadness or appreciation and gratitude...depends on my mood.

Hug your kitties!

May I ever so humbly....brag?

Ok, I can't resist! After reading through some not-so-recent posts, I realized I never provided closure to the whole Microbiology thing. Let's just say there was a highest grade in the class and that I know this person VERY well. Was that modest enough? The really amazing thing is that I got a higher grade than Doogie Howser, this total science geek that sat next to me for all of two weeks before I had to relocate thanks to his constant muttering and criticisms of the instructor. So, toot-too...that's one more horn tooting for moi! Who knew?

One of my favorite sites...

I know...it proves I'm a cat geek, but this website has the funniest cat pictures. I love this one...the kitty looks like my Trumie.

moar funny pictures

There's a Fungus Among Us

So for anyone that has not yet been bored to tears with long-winded recitations of my kittie's horrible illess, the good news is that the vet listened to kitty's lungs today and said they sounded "good." Jake (AKA Shakey Jake) has a fungal infection in his chest...poor little baby. It is actually quite a nasty bug with the most expensive drugs on the planet. Let's just put it this way...I could lease a Prius for what I'm paying for his meds.

He has been on the fluconazole for about 4 weeks and just started a 2-week run of amphotericin last Friday. Today was his second amphotericin dose (which has to be done at the vet's office...of course! Nothing easy about my life!), so Jake and I are just really hoping things will start looking up soon. Even after he is clear of the fungus he will stay on the fluconazole for three more months...Prius anyone? Not me!!!

What else is new? I am killing it in Microbiology, though I must admit I got Bs on both of my lab practicals. They were totally trying to trick us with some of those questions...but whatever. I am cleaning up with all my other exams and projects, so an A is pretty much assured, as long as I don't choke on the next exam or the final. And tomorrow I sign up for A&P...woo-weee! Keep your fingers crossed that I get the class I want. I am trying to talk my current Micro lab partner into taking the same class so she can be the one to skin and cut into our dissection kitty. I can't even think about it.

Toot! Toot!

That's me...tooting my own horn again. I got a 98.8% on my last Microbiology exam. Whooo-hooooo! OK, I know it's not cool to brag but I can't help it! I am so darn amazed at how this whole school thing is turning out. Is this a sign that I am finally looking in the right direction? Science is just so fun (that's the school nerd in me talking....the same school nerd that has an Excel spreadsheet so I can keep track of my A!). And now we're finally to the section of the class where we learn all about nasty diseases. I am a walking encyclopedia of nastiness right now...a word to the wise: get your tetanus booster. You do not want tetanus. Period.
Happy Thanksgiving!

I have a New Identity!

I kinda feel like Jason Bourne as I now have in my possession a driver's license that says Maureen Nicole Osuna. I guess I'll eventually get used to it, but it feels kind of make-believe-ish at this point. Like maybe I could travel "off the grid" under this assumed identity.

Yoga Etiquette Tips from an Almost-Ex Yoga Teacher

After months and months of being exhausted, depleted and all around cranky I have finally decided to lighten the load a bit and take a break from teaching yoga. There are LOTS of reasons for this, the main one being that I simply need to give to ME for awhile and get my Yoga MoJo back. For me it is hard to immerse myself into yoga student-ness when I approach every practice like a prelude to teaching. I'm constantly breaking down the sequences, thinking about how I would teach them, etc... Plus, it's the time commitment. The Saturday class has kept me from being able to totally unplug on the weekends, and I think that little battery-recharge is one I so desperately need.

So, with that said I present the Top Ten Yoga Etiquette Tips or Top Ten Things That Interrupt My Yoga Mojo. If you ever take a yoga class, keep this Top Ten in mind to ensure a happy teacher and happy fellow students!

1- BE ON TIME. I can't tell you how basic this is. I am a perpetually on-time/early person and feel that it is a show of respect to the activity you are partaking in and the people you are joining to be there on time. When you show up late, you throw off the teacher's meditation or pranayama session...THE most important part of the class as it sets the tone and intention for the class. You also disrupt all the other people as you open the door, close the door, drop your keys, take off your shoes, turn off your cell phone, go to the bathroom, unroll your very noisy mat and finally have a seat. If you are new to the class or instructor, this counts as doubly rude since you now do not have a chance to let the instructor know of any injuries, limitations or concerns.

2- GO TO THE CLASS THAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR YOUR LEVEL. If the description says it is for intermediate students and the only yoga you've done is bending over to tie your shoes, PLEASE do not attend that class. if you are BRAND NEW to yoga, even if you are physically fit and really smart, you still need to attend a beginning level class. The reason is that the teacher in a beginning class will explain all the basics of the poses and go at a slower pace to account for all the instruction-giving. Showing up to a more advanced class forces the teacher to either A) slow the pacing for everyone in the class so you don't hurt yourself, or B) risk letting you hurt yourself and feel like a doof as you try to flow into and out of poses that you should have learned in a more basic class. VERY beginning students who are new to yoga AND physical activity should plan on spending 6-8 months in a beginning level class. Beginning students who are pretty fit could probably get by with 3-4 months of basic instruction before moving on. There is NOTHING wrong or embarassing about being a beginner...it is the best part of your yoga journey....enjoy it!

3- WHEN THE TEACHER TELLS YOU NOT TO JUMP UP INTO YOUR HEADSTAND, LISTEN TO HER! I finally had to stop teaching headstand because people were scaring the shit out of me. I would patienty demonstrate how to do a partial headstand (with one or two feet still on the ground) and then the option of gently lifting up into a headstand...all the while admonishing students to AVOID JUMPING and putting strain on their necks. Lo and behold....what always happens? Because people cannot listen, I decided to cut my losses and avoid the whole enterprise all together. PLEASE DO NOT JUMP INTO HEADSTAND...what part of that do you not understand? Geez!

4- WATCH THE DEMONSTRATIONS. The teacher demonstrates poses and sequences for a reason. Watch. Especially if you are new. Even if you are not new, watch anyway...you might learn something new. I have been taking yoga for years and always stop to watch the demo...even if it's something I've done a hundred times in my sleep. It is always inspiring to learn how someone else approaches an asana, and it gives me a moment to appreciate the beauty of the yoga asana in action. Occasionally the instructor will tell advanced students to continue without the demo, and advice newer students to watch the demo. If you are new, watch the demo and ignor the other students. Watch the demo. Got it?

5- DON'T BE A LOOKIE-LOO. Frankly, I do not attend yoga class so other students (and guys in particular) can stare at my ass or watch me do my yoga. If you are taking a break from an asana, look straight ahead and meditate, assume child's pose or tadasana, or just sit quietly with your eyes closed as you visualize YOURSELF doing the asana.

6- DON'T TELL THE TEACHER HOW TO TEACH THE CLASS. She (or he) is not your bitch. If it is too hot for you, chances are the teacher has the heat on for a reason. If you are too cold, amp up your practice and your breath to generate some heat. Bring layers. No one likes a complainer. Get it? Got it? Good.

7- TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN PRACTICE. You do not have to do everything the teacher covers in the class. If it is going to make you miserable, exhausted, injured or cranky leave it out. If you need modifications DO THEM! One of my biggest pet peeves is students NOT doing modifications when they know they need them. If you know backbends tweak your back and the teacher has given you a modifciation three weeks ago, IT STILL APPLIES TODAY! If you are ever in pain in yoga class, it is always and only always your own fault. BE YOUR OWN GUIDE!

8- WITH THAT SAID, QUIT BEING SUCH A WUSS. Yes, yoga is hard. And yes, there are times when it can be immensely uncomfortable. Learn the difference between being uncomfortable and being in pain. Attending beginning level classes for many months will give you the body awareness you need to understand this distinction. Just becaue you are feeling your muscles stretch does not mean "it huuuuuuurts." If you are really that suseptible to injury then you need private lessons for awhile, or the assistance of a physical therapist.

9- DO NOT WEAR PERFUMES OR COLOGNES TO CLASS. Contrary to what the full-page ads in Vogue magazine say, your cologe or perfume stinks. Really really bad. I don't care how expensive it is, it stinks. Plain and simple.

10- COME TO CLASS CLEAN AND FRESH. And please let that cleanliness extend to your feet. I have seen some scary feet in my day and they usually (but not always) belong to men. Also, this may sound basic but you'd be surpirsed...please shower before class and wear clean clothing. If you tend to sweat a lot, use a towel to mop up the sweat you drip on the floor....ewwww....nothing worse than walking through somebody else's sweat drops. Nasty.

Ok, with all that said and done you can consider yourself ready to attend any yoga class with confidence and good manners intact! If you have thought of something I left out, please comment!

May I Introduce...The Incredible Shrinking Boom-Boom

Well, after years and years of poo-pooing low carb lifestyles, I have finally become a believer. For the past two weeks I cut out ALL sugar and ALL refined carbohydrates plus all grains, wheat, pastries, cereal, pasta, donuts, pizza, etc.... I am now in the 120's again! I seriously cannot believe it...and the best part is, it wasn't hard at all. I felt crappy around days 2-4, but have felt amazing ever since. I am slowly adding more carbs back into my diet because I seriously do not want to lose weight THIS fast as I want it to stay off forever! I do think I will be done with sugar...I haven't had a single headache in two weeks AND my blemishes are clearing up...my skin looks great! PLUS, my husband agreed a while back to give me $50 for every pound lost...I've already made $350! I'll end up with a total of $1200 to go shopping...happy dance happy dance!

So, if anyone is interested, here is what I've been eating: LOTS of veggies...as in TONS AND TONS of veggies. Eggs for breakfast, salads for lunch and either salad for dinner, a vegetarian entree of some kind or fish and veggies. Did I mention the veggies?

The website that totally inspired me and has kep me on track is www.sugarfreesheila.com. Not only is she cute as a button, but extremely helpful and motivating. If you are interested in exploring a sugar free life, please check it out!

It's a Microbiology Miracle!

Who knew I would end up being a Microbiology Genius? I scored a 95.5% on the first test, and the class average was 75%...AND, this is even with me SKIPPING FOUR QUESTIONS. Not sure how those questions escaped my careful scrutiny, but I somehow managed to skip right over them in a rush to get to the essay questions. Assuming I had answered all four correctly, I could have had a 99.5%. So needless to say, I am feeling pretty good right about now. Let's hope the genius-ness continues!

I Survived my first microbiology test!!!!!!!

...AND I have it on good authority that Microbiology gets much better after all that icky metabolism stuff. So YAY! I counted up all the questions I totally guessed on, and that totalled about 9, so I figured I might, MIGHT get an A if I slam-dunked my essay questions AND my bonus question. Stay tuned!

Microbiology is kicking my Macro-Booty

I am lame...I haven't posted in almost TWO MONTHS...which is really pathetic. I started school at the end of August (which only partially explains my lameness) and have been a complete whack-job ever since. I have class Monday-Thursday nights and the rest of the time I am trying to get my freelance business up and running, help Tom with his business, take care of the house and three cats + one child (oops, I mean + one husband), and maybe squeeze in time to shave my legs once in a while.

Microbiology is kicking my butt. It makes Chemistry look like a walk in the park...and I studied my butt off for my A in Chem. I have my first test tomorrow night, so we'll see....but from where I stand it does not look so bueno. Not so bueno at all. I am hoping that the semester will get easier now that we have Microbial Metabolism behind us, but the chapters ahead (Recombinant DNA Technology, Microbial Genetics and other exciting topics) do not bode well. If anyone has taken Micro please let me know if it gets better!!!! I am mainly looking forward to the section of the book where we see what kinds of nasty disesase people get from bacteria and viruses...icky pictures and all!

My lab though, is FUN! It's really neat to see what kinds of disgusting things grow from our cultures. Plus my lab partner is really nice and every day I thank GOD that I do not have Annoying Guy as my lab partner. Annoying Guy is this major science geek that smirks all the way through class and corrects the teacher's pronunciation and every little thing under his breath (and sometimes out loud to the whole class). I had the joy and pleasure of sitting near him for the first three weeks until I had HAD IT! I soooo wanted to tell him off, but instead took the path of least resistance and just sat on the opposite side of the room...."Take that you science geek!"

In other news, I am no longer working in the office...did I post about that already? I got "released" from employee status back to my independent contractor status (another thing I am thankful for every day), and am now back to my insane self-employed-ness. The kittens all got exceptional homes, my hair is long enough to put in hot rollers and I am still as fat as ever. I'm working on it though...I promise I am going to get on a schedule and start taking my morning walks again. PROMISE!

I'll also promise to try to not be so lame and to update my blog more regularly. At the very least I have to let you know how easy my Micro test is...ha!

Kitten Update

So it's been about a week and the kittens are coming along nicely in their socialization process. So far, Pearl (Nathan if a boy) is the bravest...she and Midge (aka Marvin) are at a friend's house getting socialized to kids AND big dogs. Fun! They are doing great and no longer hiss when you approach or reach for them. Pearl may get adopted today...she's got a potential mommy coming over to see her!

William (or Wilma) is now sitting on laps, purring and letting himself be petted. He hissed at me this morning, but I expect that to stop in a day or so. He has a potential home already! Keep your fingers crossed.

Quincy went to the SPCA this morning to get spayed/neutered...guess I'll find out soon enough if I need to rename him. He was soooo scared and meowing up a storm. I was in tears after I dropped him off. Poor little baby. He let me pet him through the wires of the cage yesterday, and we'll work on picking him up and holding him in the next day or so after he feels a little better from his surgery.

Wish them luck!

Kittens!!!

So here are three of the four kittens I've rescued so far. Though I wasn't going to give them names, I couldn't help myself. Without knowing their gender I just guessed....the little black and white one is William, the little beige one is Pearl and the black one is Midge.

Want one? ;-)

Operation Kitten Rescue!

Well I've gone and done it. I have become an Animal Activist...whoo hooo! Last night I trapped three feral kittens from our neighborhood shopping center and have two more to capture tonight. Next I'll go after Big Mamma, but that will strictly be a "fix and release" scenario. Frankly she scares the shit out of me. I am hoping to be able to socialize the kittens so they can be placed in homes. I already have several potential mommies/daddies:

1-Friend's neighbor whose cat just died. May take two!
2-Same friend's other neighbor whose cat went missing :-(
3-Guy from the shopping center who watched me trap 'em
4-Girl at work
5-Another girl at work (a very tentative maybe...she may have just been humoring me)
6-Nurse that came over today to take hubby's blood and tinkle for insurance screening

Hmmm....seems I have more potential mommies and daddies than I do kittens...I may have to auction them off on ebay! Anyway, they are soooooo cute, but they won't yet let me get close enough to pet. They hiss and act all fierce...it would be funny if I didn't know how sharp their little teeth and claws are. So far I have snagged a tuxedo kitty, an all-black kitty and a cream colored kitty with darker colored points. Super duper cute.

I will snap some pics as soon as I can...they're pretty wiley.

Reason #432 why I shouldn't breed

I had lunch yesterday with a friend of mine who brought along her really super super cute 2-year old boy. He was basically really good throughout the whole meal, but when things got sticky and borderline cranky I just kept passing the kid animal crackers. I mean I seriously had aboslutely *no idea* how to placate a bored 2-year old. The little guy ended up eating something like 15 animal crackers for lunch...he was pretty happy though! Given my own enjoyment of food we then had a rousing conversation of "Do you like...(insert food item here)." What else do you talk to a toddler about?

Then the subject came up of how to discipline children. My friend said the little guy had recently embarked on a hitting phase and that she had to turn to the trusty "Internets" to figure out what to do. I realized as we were talking about it that I too was at a loss for discipline tactics, namely since my best (and only) idea involves duct tape. I think if I were a parent I would probably get reported to CPS on a regular basis...there are just so many wonderful and necessary uses for duct tape. Is your child hitting people? Duct tape his little arms to his sides! Does your kid squirm to get out of his high chair? Duct tape him to the chair! Does he do that annoying "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom" thing while you're talking to another adult? Duct tape his little mouth shut! I would be a horrible parent.

Hats off to all my friends who do it and make it look so easy. Your kiddos are lucky to have you (and not me) as their mother!
Signed,
Auntie Mo

Cool Jellyfish Picture

I don't really have any excitement to share, just this really cool picture that I took all by myself at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Hubby and I went to Monterey for my birthday. NOTE TO READERS...do NOT go to the Aquarium on a weekend during the summer, unless you enjoy chaos and loud children.

5 inches in 2 weeks!

Ta da! As promised, I measured today and I am officially 5-inchess less fat than I was two weeks ago. Did you catch that? 5 Inches!!!!! For the first week I did Chicometrics but honestly, that got pretty dull, so I switched it up in the second week to The Bar Method, which goes by lots lots faster. I measured after 4 of these workouts and have lost a total of 5 inches throughout the bod...a litle bit here and a little bit there...amazing!

So, stay tuned as I shrink back into all my adorable clothes. In case you care, which you probably don't.

Mermaid Hair

OK, last post for the day...I PROMISE! I have mentioned several times that I am attempting to achieve "Mermaid Hair." For those of you who need a visual...here it is (in wig form at a Halloween party and in a color totally different from my natural hair color...but you get the idea).