I've been water boarded.

So today was Bikram Yoga Day 4! Note to self: do not eat pizza on a yoga day. Just don't.

Things went pretty good for the first half of the class...made it through the standing series with only a few eensy weeny breaks. At one point, there was so much sweat pouring off my face, that it went up into my nose during one of the forward bends...since my mind wonders in yoga (because I am a bad yogi), I couldn't help but think of water boarding and other various forms of torture. Torture not unlike what I was, myself, enduring.

But, of course, it is a torture that is self-induced, so I must suck it up and venture on. And venture on I did. But by minute 55 I am wanting to flee. Desperately. I am thinking up strategies to make the last 35 minutes of class go by more quickly. None of them work.

At minute 60, a guy in the corner leaves. I am overwhelmingly grateful for the rush of cool air that sweeps over my body as he opens and closes the door. These small kisses of breathable air are what keep me from vomiting on my Yogitoes/Manduka combo. Secretly I think, "what a wuss."

At minute 65, we lose another one. The teacher asks the student if she can just lie in Savasana, which is answered by a curt "no" and a hasty exit. I once again await the wash of air. Aaaah...at the rate we're going, I might just make it through. After the back bending series, I try to get back into the swing of things, but any posture that compresses my belly brings the nausea back...what the eff is up with Bikram and all this organ massaging? Gah. Slow breath. Deep breath. Bikram obviously did not eat leftover pizza on yoga days. Bikram is obviously smarter than I am. Or maybe they don't eat pizza in India? Not sure if I could eat Indian food on yoga days, either.

I do my best to not stare at the clock as I silently curse Round Table and secretly wish for more students to leave the room. By minute 80, I am home free...just a couple more postures and then I can breathe again, can move again without feeling nauseous, can stand up without seeing spots. Granted, I sat out for most of the floor series, but at least I didn't vomit...and I didn't leave the room.

And yes, I will try again tomorrow.

Hey Hot Mamma!

So if you've been reading my blog (and who hasn't), you will know I started a weight-training routine about 6 weeks ago. Amazingly, I stuck with it religiously for a whole month...woohoo! Then, I went and mucked up my hands at work so I've been basically "hands-free" for the past couple of weeks (though honestly, I think I found some other excuse to stop lifting weights prior to this...can't even remember what it was...ha!). Obviously, I can still type, but can't do any gripping motions at all...kind of necessary for grabbing those dumbbells! Anyway, I knew I needed to exercise but also knew I needed to give my hands a break. A Bikram yoga studio opened up near my house about a year ago and I finally decided to just bite the bullet and go. (Side note: Only a moron decides to start a Bikram practice in the summer.)

Days 1-3
I went for the first time last Friday on the spur of the moment...had about an hour before class started to "pre-hydrate" so it is no surprise that I felt kinda icky through a good portion of the class. I even had some panic moments in the last 25 minutes or so where I felt like I was going to suffocate if I had to breathe that hot-as-hell air for one more second. Needless to say, I spent a good portion of the class lying down or kneeling...hey, I ain't proud!

 The studio owner said the nausea would become less noticeable the more I came to class, and encouraged me to return the next day. I wasn't sold on the idea until (drum roll please....) I woke up that morning with NO PAIN in my hands. Major victory here folks! So, off I went...and it was indeed a much better experience. I still sat out some of the poses, but never had that panic feeling and didn't really feel much nausea either.

 If twice in two days is good...then thee times in three days must be even better...right? I woke up early (around 2:30) and rallied myself to go to the 4:30 class right before work. My original plan was to go right after I got off work and then sleep a peaceful, exhausted sleep. However, this idea was quickly pushed aside in favor of just skipping the yoga and going straight to the sleep part. I'd like to try it sometime though because it was quite the race to get showered, prettied and dressed in time for work...but I made it...soaking wet hair and all! Not sure if going right before work is the best idea as I was EXHAUSTED and feeling sick by 4am. Since I'm on light duty anyway, I decided to take an hour of PTO and ended up leaving work around 5:30am...slept all day today unit 6:30pm.

 My goal is to do as many classes in 10 days as I can...I think I can get 9 classes in if I try my "go after work" experiment on Sunday. If I do that, I can be home and showered by 10am and sleep a solid 6.5 hours. That's plenty, right? That's about all I ever get on work days anyway, and I'm hoping the yoga will help me sleep more deeply. We shall see. OK, it's 12:15 in the morning and I've got plans to hit the 9:15 class...probably should think about sleeping at some point :-)

Ashtanga Day 1

In my quest to be less fat and more awesome, I am exploring Ashtanga yoga. Yes, I've been doing yoga for something like ten years now, but I've never full heartedly committed to one type of practice or another. And Ashtanga is pretty darn cool. Plus, and I hate to say this because it's very un-yoga-ish, but it's great for those of us who are rather goal oriented. By doing the same practice over and over and over, you can easily see where you are improving and, as such, there is always something to work on. I like that aspect of it very much. It is, however, very difficult....especially when you look at doing the whole primary series with all the jumping forward and jumping back. I do not have anywhere near the strength needed to do a proper jump back, and my forward jumps are rather clumsy (in my opinion)...exhibiting none of the floatiness of David Swensen or other Ashtanga gurus. Sigh.

But today, I was reading my Asthanga Practice Manual (Swensen), and in it he says he could not make it through the primary series at first. So, that is my motivation...because obviously, if you keep at it then it will get better...right? I have been going to a yoga studio to practice with Bill Counter (who is awesome!!!), but my lack of a job makes it difficult to go as often as I'd like. So, I am going to try very hard (notice the lack of the word "commit") to doing an Ashtanga practice daily and supplementing that with one or two trips to the studio each week. Now, when I say that I will do an Ashtanga practice daily, I do not mean I will do the entire series each day. I know me, and I know that I cannot commit to 1.5 to 2 hours of yoga every day. I will, however, at least do one of the short forms that Swensen outlines in his book, and will commit to a full series one or twice a week.

So, to report on today...I practiced in my office using Swenson's audio CD and book as guides. I left out the jump backs in the seated series and did "take-it-up" instead, hoping that this will help me gain the requisite core strength for those gorgeous floaty jump backs. Even with that adjustment, I only made it up to Supta Konasana and then decided that I was beat. I also decided that the office is no good for this practice, as there really isn't room to do a good Supta Konasana and the floor is rather dirty. So, I need to find a better spot that has more space and less dust. Maybe the living room if I move some stuff around. I really look forward to the day when I can have an entire corner to devote entirely to yoga...that will be awesome! I hate having to move things around...it's just one more barrier and excuse to keep me on my duff and off my matt.

Also, I have had NO CHOCOLATE so far today. Really trying to make it all day!

San Francisco Yoga Conference

I just realized I never really talk about yoga in my blog. Why is that? Probably because I have been a baaaad yogi since school started and have not been yoga-ing as much as I would like. Anyway, in an attempt to get my Yoga MoJo back (a process initiated by no longer teaching my Saturday yoga class), I attended the San Francisco Yoga Journal Conference. If you haven't been to one of these conferences and are interested in going, you should know that it is crowded. As in lots and lots of people all over the place. And, I was really lame and only went to 3 out of the 6 classes...but the three I went to were great and taking a class with Ana Forrest was divine. I really felt my yoga MoJo in her class, and had a "yoga moment" in David Life's class, when I did my best Tittibhasana ever! Here's a pic...but that's not me...that's just some random pic I found online to show how cool this asana is.
So...my overall impression of the conference:

Thumbs up: Ana Forrest, good freebies, great Yoga Marketplace
Thumbs down: Too crowded, expensive, floors carpeted

Try Ojai instead! It's a fabulous retreat :-)

Yoga Etiquette Tips from an Almost-Ex Yoga Teacher

After months and months of being exhausted, depleted and all around cranky I have finally decided to lighten the load a bit and take a break from teaching yoga. There are LOTS of reasons for this, the main one being that I simply need to give to ME for awhile and get my Yoga MoJo back. For me it is hard to immerse myself into yoga student-ness when I approach every practice like a prelude to teaching. I'm constantly breaking down the sequences, thinking about how I would teach them, etc... Plus, it's the time commitment. The Saturday class has kept me from being able to totally unplug on the weekends, and I think that little battery-recharge is one I so desperately need.

So, with that said I present the Top Ten Yoga Etiquette Tips or Top Ten Things That Interrupt My Yoga Mojo. If you ever take a yoga class, keep this Top Ten in mind to ensure a happy teacher and happy fellow students!

1- BE ON TIME. I can't tell you how basic this is. I am a perpetually on-time/early person and feel that it is a show of respect to the activity you are partaking in and the people you are joining to be there on time. When you show up late, you throw off the teacher's meditation or pranayama session...THE most important part of the class as it sets the tone and intention for the class. You also disrupt all the other people as you open the door, close the door, drop your keys, take off your shoes, turn off your cell phone, go to the bathroom, unroll your very noisy mat and finally have a seat. If you are new to the class or instructor, this counts as doubly rude since you now do not have a chance to let the instructor know of any injuries, limitations or concerns.

2- GO TO THE CLASS THAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR YOUR LEVEL. If the description says it is for intermediate students and the only yoga you've done is bending over to tie your shoes, PLEASE do not attend that class. if you are BRAND NEW to yoga, even if you are physically fit and really smart, you still need to attend a beginning level class. The reason is that the teacher in a beginning class will explain all the basics of the poses and go at a slower pace to account for all the instruction-giving. Showing up to a more advanced class forces the teacher to either A) slow the pacing for everyone in the class so you don't hurt yourself, or B) risk letting you hurt yourself and feel like a doof as you try to flow into and out of poses that you should have learned in a more basic class. VERY beginning students who are new to yoga AND physical activity should plan on spending 6-8 months in a beginning level class. Beginning students who are pretty fit could probably get by with 3-4 months of basic instruction before moving on. There is NOTHING wrong or embarassing about being a beginner...it is the best part of your yoga journey....enjoy it!

3- WHEN THE TEACHER TELLS YOU NOT TO JUMP UP INTO YOUR HEADSTAND, LISTEN TO HER! I finally had to stop teaching headstand because people were scaring the shit out of me. I would patienty demonstrate how to do a partial headstand (with one or two feet still on the ground) and then the option of gently lifting up into a headstand...all the while admonishing students to AVOID JUMPING and putting strain on their necks. Lo and behold....what always happens? Because people cannot listen, I decided to cut my losses and avoid the whole enterprise all together. PLEASE DO NOT JUMP INTO HEADSTAND...what part of that do you not understand? Geez!

4- WATCH THE DEMONSTRATIONS. The teacher demonstrates poses and sequences for a reason. Watch. Especially if you are new. Even if you are not new, watch anyway...you might learn something new. I have been taking yoga for years and always stop to watch the demo...even if it's something I've done a hundred times in my sleep. It is always inspiring to learn how someone else approaches an asana, and it gives me a moment to appreciate the beauty of the yoga asana in action. Occasionally the instructor will tell advanced students to continue without the demo, and advice newer students to watch the demo. If you are new, watch the demo and ignor the other students. Watch the demo. Got it?

5- DON'T BE A LOOKIE-LOO. Frankly, I do not attend yoga class so other students (and guys in particular) can stare at my ass or watch me do my yoga. If you are taking a break from an asana, look straight ahead and meditate, assume child's pose or tadasana, or just sit quietly with your eyes closed as you visualize YOURSELF doing the asana.

6- DON'T TELL THE TEACHER HOW TO TEACH THE CLASS. She (or he) is not your bitch. If it is too hot for you, chances are the teacher has the heat on for a reason. If you are too cold, amp up your practice and your breath to generate some heat. Bring layers. No one likes a complainer. Get it? Got it? Good.

7- TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN PRACTICE. You do not have to do everything the teacher covers in the class. If it is going to make you miserable, exhausted, injured or cranky leave it out. If you need modifications DO THEM! One of my biggest pet peeves is students NOT doing modifications when they know they need them. If you know backbends tweak your back and the teacher has given you a modifciation three weeks ago, IT STILL APPLIES TODAY! If you are ever in pain in yoga class, it is always and only always your own fault. BE YOUR OWN GUIDE!

8- WITH THAT SAID, QUIT BEING SUCH A WUSS. Yes, yoga is hard. And yes, there are times when it can be immensely uncomfortable. Learn the difference between being uncomfortable and being in pain. Attending beginning level classes for many months will give you the body awareness you need to understand this distinction. Just becaue you are feeling your muscles stretch does not mean "it huuuuuuurts." If you are really that suseptible to injury then you need private lessons for awhile, or the assistance of a physical therapist.

9- DO NOT WEAR PERFUMES OR COLOGNES TO CLASS. Contrary to what the full-page ads in Vogue magazine say, your cologe or perfume stinks. Really really bad. I don't care how expensive it is, it stinks. Plain and simple.

10- COME TO CLASS CLEAN AND FRESH. And please let that cleanliness extend to your feet. I have seen some scary feet in my day and they usually (but not always) belong to men. Also, this may sound basic but you'd be surpirsed...please shower before class and wear clean clothing. If you tend to sweat a lot, use a towel to mop up the sweat you drip on the floor....ewwww....nothing worse than walking through somebody else's sweat drops. Nasty.

Ok, with all that said and done you can consider yourself ready to attend any yoga class with confidence and good manners intact! If you have thought of something I left out, please comment!