Get. Me. Out. Of. Here. NOW!

Today is a two-fer...mainly because I am so freakin' bored at work I could pull my hair out, scream, start a small fire...ANYTHING to releive the monotony of cube land. What the F*#%@! was I thinking when I said, "Sure, I'll ditch the freelance life and get a job in corporate America? Oh, and I'll also take on a 45 minute commute every day, uphill, in the snow, both ways."(OK, I'm kidding about the snow and the hill). I was lured in by the promise of a steady paycheck and 2-weeks vacation. Bah Humbug! (eeeek! I'm no doubt jinxing myself here and will lose my job and thus no longer have a paycheck but LOTS and LOTS of vacation time).

I was bored to tears working for this company as an independent contractor, and now that ALL of my big projects are on hold, I am experiencing entirely new levels of boredom. And frustration. And "The Blahs." And an occasional homicidal fantasy involving one unnamed co-worker (we'll call him Ned). Ned drives me crazy. Ned makes me want to take up kick boxing. Ned makes me hurl obscene hand gestures his direction from the safety of my cube.

Why does Ned make me crazy? Let me count thy ways...
1. He thinks he's my boss. He's not.
2. If he ever does geet promoted to VP (which I know he is totally gunning for) and becomes my boss, I will die instantly so it is safe to say that he will never actually be my supervisor.
3. He has an unavoidable compulsion to tell me how to manage my projects. (See #1)
4. He makes snide comments about my schedule (when I negotiated for the position, I told the guy who actually IS my boss that I needed a flexible schedule to accomodate working at home and teaching yoga)
5. He asks me stupid questions like, "How much will it cost to print a brochure we haven't written yet....ballpark". As if I can pull a number out of my ass even though... a) I'm not a print broker, b) we don't know how many pages the piece will be, and c) we don't know the quantity.
6. He made a comment about me taking a day off after 4 months of employment...it's called PAID VACATION, it's so you can take a VACATION...get it?
7. He comes in early and stays late...and always asks me if I got projects done at night or over the weekend. No, this is my job, not my LIFE!
8. He's very smart and wants to make sure no one ever forgets it.
9. He's a man. Men can be a pain.
10. I don't have ten...I am trying to be positive.

Actually, the ironic thing is that he is a nice guy...very smart, good at his job, etc... he just makes me nuts. And in an office of 9 people, one nut can make you effing crazy.